Amidst my colleagues and other social animals who are bonded laborers in corporate jungle, who look forward for their lunch break, I dread mine. Well I was no different, but over these 3 months and after some 3 visits to dentist, I have reasons to dread it too, however irrational it might sound to be.
First task is to find the guy who came up with the term -“while in Rome, do like the Romans do“. Man, you became a cool dude by coming up with that narcissist and racist thing, may be you were Julius Caesar himself, but alas, We are Indians, and we don’t “do“ like the Romans, Texan or the ones who live in Lisbon, whatever you want to term them as a collective group. We have our way, and No its not the SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE WAY, mind you. We need to release more movies for this lot.
To get back to my fear, it arises from a keen curiosity on sheer Obsession the firangs have on how they present themselves and their looks. Irrespective of how dubious it is, they want to mask it under, “Personal Hygiene“. Oh hell yeh!! “ Like I make a flag out of my old innerwear and use it to show my support to a football club ? Insane.
There, as I am writing, comes this guy, opens his cabinet drawer, picks up his tooth brush and woof, off to brush for some 3rd time in 7 hours. You might want to say, that is a great thing…isn’t it ? Well I don’t blame you, I fell for the same trap.. I did too. And I like the cool Firang, had my own cabinet and my own second tooth brush and paste tube at work. Guess what, had I not done that, I wouldn’t be writing this irony. With my enamel on the verge of crucifying itself, I have gone back to my habit of twice a day, and one visit to Dentist a year.
So after every morsel and every sip of café you brush ? Weirdos, The real reason, why We don’t. Alright for our guys, who are no where near hygiene standards recommended for human beings, “we“mentioned below, is for the saner folks, who adhere to them. A majority of us I hope to believe. The reasons, or rather a gist of them is as below.
- We don’t greet women, by kissing them on the cheeks. Forget strangers, we don’t greet our wives like that. So we don’t care
- Sans some of them who do, the majority of us don’t gorge on Beef. Its because of your demands of quality leather, we kill our “Goddess“ and also pay huge money in getting your Baywatch stars in telling you how cruel we are. I wonder if you really saw the video or the host.
- We do not have beer in our cafeteria and do not have wine as an appetizer. We have soups for that, and most of them Don’t take that either. We have lentil soups prepared at home packed neatly. So ever wondered how you look after reading this ?
- Oh for the cholesterol issues we have, we take Pride in our FRIED stuff. So ask for a potato, you will get a potato fry, not a Bland Onion, or a Plain meat of Ham or chicken, like in Wild Wild west. We love our food and don’t care to flaunt our “Hunter´s pride“.
- Spices !!, who from your “castle-lion“ world would know that it is our spices that aids in our metabolism and ensures the food is broken down well to leave a sour taste ? And again, we do COOK our food.
- We take bath every single day. We are well aware of where, most of the infection spreads from. And we carry our own handkerchief. Oh Sorry, it is a cloth, that we use as an alternative for tissue as you call it for clearing our own bodily fluids. Not that we use a paper, and dispose it where I want and spread the virus to all masses. Ever wondered why you fall sick when your friend next desk falls sick ? Yes he throws his waste in your bin, IDIOT.
Ah well I can reason for as long as I want, but come on, I really don’t have a patience for that. So next time you give me a look, where in after having lunch with you, I come to my desk and start, without accompanying you to hear your gargles in the wash, where I behave more civilized than you, pardon me. We also GARGLE AND WASH OUR HANDS after our meal. We have wash basins in our cafeteria for the same purpose. I also intend to cut some bills on the tooth paste. Aint cheap in your world. Demand Supply gap probably. And also, am saving some effort, and pain on my own self. Moreover, that’s precisely why we have chewing gums for worst case scenario.
I will be right back folks… ….. hey can you lend some tooth paste, I ran out of it ?
